Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
