I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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