ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
