dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
