Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just blew my weed a kiss
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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