This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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