dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
