On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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