I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
