I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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