We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
third nipple confirmed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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