My liver just broke up with me...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
