She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
