i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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