You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
