so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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