I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
