a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
