The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
