This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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