uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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