I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's like iHOP with fire
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
