i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
