i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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