i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
