I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
