i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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