I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How's work?
Spinning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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