Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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