Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
