The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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