I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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