Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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