i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
