The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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