He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
