So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
