last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
