Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
