I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
