Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
