Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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