so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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