I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
