i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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