Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
