if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
