I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
