No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
