well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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