I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
