I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
