God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
